Number Twelve: Get ill

If unable to contract anything significant from friends/colleagues etc (possibly as you don't come into contact with many people over the course of the day) then eat something stupid. Blowfish isn't in especially abundant supply in Portsmouth, but I'm sure some can be acquired if resorting (as ever) to Number Two.

Particular aspects to aim for are the necessity to spend lots of time in either the bedroom or the bathroom (although preferably the former, obviously), requirement of rare medication to be bought either from far away or via our old friend the internet, aversion to reading (bonus points), and development of complex symptoms leading to doctors appointments and blood tests (or anything else which requires repeat attendance and waiting for results).

Just remember to allow time to recover about a week before your deadline.